FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
