I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
