woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
