how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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