i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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