We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
