i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
