i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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