Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
