Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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