Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
