He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this boner is exhausting
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
