Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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