Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
