The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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