I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
