Do you still have your period?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
