woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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