My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
