I just made out with a guy for $7.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
