He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
