My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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