So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
