ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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