Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i love accidental penises.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
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He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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