so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
