now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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