i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
