Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
