I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
