i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
