do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
