i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
