It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
