i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
