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I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
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