You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
