Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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