I have demons in me.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
