If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
