he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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