I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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