Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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