I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
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Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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