did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
