Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
