I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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