Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think your dad took our porno
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
