first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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