I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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