I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
