I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
