The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
