he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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