I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
