i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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