..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
