Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
