Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
