I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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