I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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