So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
