Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
