i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
