then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
