youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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