Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
