the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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