dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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