WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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