Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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