My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
