Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
