You're so nebulous sometimes
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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