i would punch a child for taco bell
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
