Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize