tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
