I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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