life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sorry about my life...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
